Television personality Martin: "Anyway, to cut a long story short, I decided to kill myself. That's the trouble with suicides I've learned... Really, why wouldn't I want to throw myself off the top of a tall building?" (0:00)
Jess tells Martin, "You're getting a thrill out of this, aren't you, you pervert?"
"You are a pervert, officially." (0:06)
Jess: "It's very exciting to have a celebrity in our suicidal midst." (0:07)
Martin: "The most popular place in London for suicides on the most popular night for suicides." (0:12)
Man in alley tells Martin: "The nutter who's trying to kill me."
Martin: "And where is this nutter?"
"I'm here with the nutter."
Maureen tells Jess's boyfriend Chas, "Oh, and tonight she was prepared to end her life because of what you did to her." (0:15)
Martin: "Drugs, alcohol..."
Chas: "Good drugs, though." (0:16)
Jess tells the others, "It wasn't an overdose... I'd never kill myself by taking pills." (0:19)
Jess: "When is the next day after New Year's eve when everybody kills themselves?"
"Nobody kills themselves until then."
Martin: "Why would we not want to kill ourselves, if and when and how we want, huh?"
Jess: "The undersigned do hereby promise not to kill themselves before Valentine's day."
Jess asks Maureen, "Have we just written our pact on the back of your suicide note?" (0:20)
A cabbie asks Jess, "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"
Jess: "... and it wasn't stalking. You stalk a deer in order to kill it... That's not stalking."
Newspaper headline: "TV's Martin Sharp in Suicide Bid with Politician's Daughter" (0:23)
Jess tells her politician father, "Yeah, I tried to kill myself."
Martin: "If they say I've contemplated suicide, I generally have."
Jess: "Why don't you invite me to our family therapy?"
Martin asks Jess's father, "Has anybody ever told you that you're a bit of an idiot?" (0:25)
Talk show host Penny tells Martin, "And this... finally drove you to suicidal feeling." (0:36)
J.J. tells Jess, "If I look healthy, it's because of the drug regimen..."
"Well, the drug regimen is pretty minimal."
Jess: "You're a pedophile like Martin... four suicidalists... two of them pedophiles."
"That's why you wanted to kill yourself." (0:40)
His neighbor Gladys asks J.J., "Suicide again, then, is it?" (0:43)
J.J. referring to Martin: "He said we'd be like Butch and Sundance." (0:43)
Martin: "Maureen, if you're afraid of flying, I've got these tablets."
Maureen: "I'm not afraid of flying." (0:45)
Martin tells J.J., "Four people survive suicide, find hope..." (0:49)
Kathy asks J.J., "Okay, well how's this for psycho?"
J.J.: "I recently told some people that I had cancer to avoid telling them the real reason I had for attempting suicide."
Journalist Kathy: "Okay, you win the psycho game." (0:57)
J.J. swims out from the beach. (1:02)
J.J. tells Martin, "You know three people have killed themselves from this building... housewife and manic depressive... banker who lost everything..." (1:22)
Video chat: J.J.: "My therapist..."
Jess: "Therapist... J.J.'s now officially mad."
J.J.: "Jess, you see a therapist too."
Jess: "Of course, all the best people are mad in my opinion."
J.J.: "My therapist told me a story..."
Jess: "You people make me want to kill myself." (1:27)