Pet detective Ace Ventura tells police sergeant Aguado, "In this case the killer saw the size of the bug’s dick and became insanely jealous." (0:20)
Detective Emilio tells Ventura, "... we're just a little busy right now with... drug dealers..." (0:21)
Team publicist Melissa asks Ventura, "Are you insane?" (0:28)
Reporter: "... Roger Podacter... has apparently committed suicide, allegedly leaping to his death..." (0:39)
Lieutenant Einhorn asks Ventura, "So, you don't think this is an obvious suicide, Mr. Pet Detective?"
Ventura: ”Roger Podacter didn't commit suicide.” (0:41)
By telephone Ventura tells Melissa, "I'm in psychoville, and Finkle’s the mayor." (0:53)
Ventura tells Melissa, "You have to commit me." (0:59)
The psychiatrist tells Melissa, "We are very sensitive to the emotional stress that athletes endure."
Referring to Ventura: ”Does he have a long history of mental illness?”
”This is one of our therapy rooms...” (1:01)
Ventura, after reading Finkle’s diary: "Obsess much?" (1:03)
Football player Dan Marino tells Einhorn, "I get hit in the head a lot." (1:10)
Marino tells Einhorn's henchmen, "Hey guys, I don't know how much psycho woman's paying you, but I'll double it."
Henchman: ”Psycho woman keeps us out of prison.” (1:11)
Ventura, referring to a henchman he has knocked out: "Unconscious, exactly as I planned." (1:12)
Ventura: "What you wouldn't read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker..."
Referring to Einhorn: ”She's a man.”
”Now history has shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time...” (1:17)
Ventura calls the team mascot "Idiot." (1:22)