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Clerks

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Cast
Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Marilyn Ghigliotti, Lisa Spoonauer
Released
1994
marijuana
Spoiler alert
Blog entry

His friend Veronica asks convenience store clerk Dante, “Honesty through paranoia?”
”So if you want to have a complex about it, then go ahead.” (0:12)

Video shop clerk Randal tells Dante, referring to Veronica, “Chick’s nuts about you.”
”Chick only made you nuts, man.”
Dante: “I get blitzed, pass out in his bedroom...”
Randal: “People say crazy shit during sex.”
Dante: “I hit the light, and she freaks.”
”I think the arguments Veronica and I are having are some kind of manifestation of a subconscious desire to break up with her...” (0:22)

Jay: “Olaf, Berserker. Come on, man, Berserker.”
”Come on, Berserker.” (0:27)

Dante asks Randal, “Me pulling a can off some moron’s fist?” (0:28)

Woman, referring to perfect egg man: “And I’ll bet you a million dollars he’s a guidance counselor.”
”They call it shell shock.”
”It seems to only happen to guidance counselors.”
Dante: “Well, why guidance counselors?”
Woman: “Well if your job was as meaningless as theirs, wouldn’t you go crazy, too?”
Randal: “Come to think of it, my guidance counselor was kind of worthless.” (0:34)

Randal tells Dante, “Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you’d like to see chicks do.”
”Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight.” (0:36)

Video customer: “What would you get for a 6 year old boy who chronically wets his bed?” (0:38)

Randal tells Dante, “It’s like in order to join they have to have an IQ less than their shoe size.” (0:38)

Veronica asks Dante, “The ostrich syndrome...?” (0:39)

A hockey player tells Dante, “Fine by me, but you’re living in denial and suppressing rage...” (0:43)

Angry hockey player customer: “I’m gonna break my crazy neck on this ladder.” (0:45)

Dante learns from Randal that one of his old girlfriends has died. “I’m gonna go to her wake.”
Randal: “Has it ever occurred to you that I might be bereaved as well?” (0:50)

Randal tells Dante, “You’re so repressed.”
”As if a guy’s a... pervert...”
”My aunt freaked out.”
”... pervert.” (0:51)

Dante and Randal at the funeral home. (0:53)

Randal tells Jay, “Shut... up, junky.”
Dante asks Jay, “And how many time have I told you not to be dealing in front of the store?”
Jay: “I’m not dealin’...” (0:54)

Customer: “Crazy shit.” (0:56)

Caitlin asks Dante, “Well, if I’m so nuts about you...”
”And, yes, allow me to placate your ego.” (1:05)

Randal tells Dante, referring to Caitlin, “Maybe the Asian design major slipped her some opium.” (1:12)

The coroner tells Dante and Randal, referring to Caitlin, “Shock trauma. She’s going to need years of therapy after this.” (1:15) 

Dante tells Randal, “My ex-girlfriend is catatonic...” (1:17)

Jay: “Smokin’ weed. Smokin’ weed. Doin’ coke. Drinkin’ beers... and smoke some weed.”
”Drink some beers, get ripped...”
Jay asks Dante, ”You get high?”
”I don’t hang out with drug dealers.”
”I had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.”
Jay, referring to his grandmother: “She was senile.” (1:19)

Veronica tells Dante, “Then you pull that shit this morning, freaking out...”
”I want you to follow through on this just so you can find out what a... idiot you are.” (1:22)

Randal tells Dante, “You’re so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic... than it really is.”
Referring to Jay: “He has no delusions about what he does.” (1:27)