The Tender Bar

Bartender Charlie Maguire tells tells another baseball player, "I’m worried about you." (0:02)

JR Maguire: "To me, Grandpa’s house was a revolving door of cousins and aunts, with a full complement of laughter and tears and an occasional nervous breakdown..." (0:03)

His mother answers JR, "Because he’s a selfish old prick who resents taking care of his family." (0:05)

His uncle Charlie tells JR, "... it might be wise for you, in order to avoid tears and disappointment, and, above all, delusion..." (0:07)

JR, referring to his father: "It was about this same period that he called up drunk and said he put a contract on my mother’s life." (0:12)

Charlie tells JR, "That’s keeping your money like a drunk... Don’t carry your money like a drunk..." (0:13)

JR’s mother tells him, "Your grandfather has a photographic memory."
JR’s mother tells Grandpa Maguire, ”You are a stingy, crazy old bastard.” (0:15)

JR tells his father, referring to Grandpa Maguire, "Mom says he might’ve lost his mind." (0:18)

Bar patron: "Who was the guy pitched a no-hitter on acid?"
”You can take acid...” (0:20)

Charlie takes JR to meet with the school psychologist.
Charlie: ”Maybe this is a weird time for me to tell you that I am not a psychologist.”
”Well, because I’m not a psychologist, and I’m sitting here with somebody who actually is a psychologist, who maybe knows I’m not a psychologist... you sit there looking for errors in baseline perception.”
Psychologist: ”It is my belief that the uncertainty about the meaning of his name and the continual questions about it have left him without identity.”
Charlie: ”No identity, hence identity crisis.”
Psychologist: ”He has no identity, which causes rage.”
Charlie: ”He has dubiety about his identity, possibly. How sure are you about your identity?... traumatizing him.”
”So you’re willing to traumatize a little kid...” (0:21)

JR: "But that didn’t mean some dime-store fifth-grade shrink could go toe to toe." (0:23)

A bar patron asks Charlie, "Your sister, the hot one, or the crazy one?" (0:26)

Charlie tells JR, "Do puzzles, you don’t get Alzheimer’s." (0:34)

JR asks Charlie, "What about human learning and memory?" (0:41)

His roommate Wesley tells JR and their other roommate Jimmy, "Let’s get fucked-up." (0:43)

Wesley tells JR, "... no one’s ever noticed that I’m an idiot." (0:45)

Wesley: "Gin makes me crazy." (0:47)

Charlie asks JR, "What are you worried about?" (0:49)

Wesley tells JR, "So my brother use to make me go with him and watch Don’t Look Now with Donald Sutherland."
JR: ”First movie was The Exorcist.”
Wesley: ”... The Exorcist scared the shit out of me...” (0:50)

His classmate Sidney asks JR, "Is there trauma?"
”If you have a father complex, it’s kind of a red flag. Women with father complexes tend to eat a lot...”
JR: ”I don’t have a father complex.” (0:51)

Sindey’s mother Mrs. Lawson asks JR, "Are you in psychotherapy?"
JR: ”No psychotherapy, no...”
Referring to his mother: ”She dwells in Manhasset, in a house with her parents, who are both kind of nuts....”
Mrs. Lawson: ”She sounds like a very intelligent woman...” (1:00)

By telephone, his father tells JR, "... I did want to tell you that I quit drinking..."
”I was worried.” (1:08)

Wesley tells JR, "Symbolically, you just married your mother..." (1:11)

His father tells JR, "See, I realized that, um, I’m not an alcoholic... when the mood strikes me, I can enjoy a cocktail..." (1:28)

His girlfriend Kathy tells JR’s father, "Don’t need any of your mood swings..." (1:32)

Charlie tells JR, referring to JR’s mother, "But I think Yale mostly took care of her anxieties." (1:36)

Chief tells the others, referring to JR, "Guy thinks he’s Elvis Presley, you know?" (1:37)